It was not right. He had done nothing wrong. It should have been him who arrested some criminal but now he was walking between two strong guards his hands manacled with long and strong leather bindings.
He had been doing his morning chores as he should do as a commander of the fifth squad and had been royally surprised when the commander and five men of the eight squad had come and circled him like he was about to run. He hadn’t done that. He had decided to take it like a man.
They had said nothing while restraining his hands with traditional leather manacles and neither did he. He wasn’t going to ask from what he was accused as there would be no trial. There never was for the man serving in one of the twenty squads of royal police army.
Ironically the commander of the eighth squad was his personal friend which made the whole thing even more absurd as it already was.
When they were walking on the central square of the station he saw the blind girl who always sat there on the edge of the fountain her brown hair tied in long ponytail. He longed to sit with her like he did everyday and talk about sweet nothings. From now on he would not get those leisure moments.
He was surprised as the commander stopped his men and left him to sit next to the fragile looking girl, walking outside the hearing range watching him all the time like making sure he wasn’t going to run. He sat there and watched his restraints confusion making his head to spin.
The girl turned to look at him with her blind greenish eyes, sorrow edged on her voice. “Are we going to meet again?”
He didn’t know what to say and he had to wonder how this girl knew so much. “I’m not sure…” He kept his voice neutral even though he was scared and confused. He wouldn’t get a trial or another chance. He was going to be locked in a small cell and stay there until he died. Already his heart was racing and his eyes were getting suspiciously wet.
“Why did they arrest you?” The girl’s voice was wavering now and her unseeing eyes looked at him with curiosity and sadness.
He didn’t know the answer. Nobody had told him. “I… I don’t know…” He sounded very young now and his voice betrayed his fear.
The girl took his hand, not flinching from the feel of rough leather around his wrist. “Everything’s going to be alright. They will notice that they have made a mistake.”
He glanced towards the other commander and then turned to look at the girl. “I hope so…” He stared down to his restraints and blinked away the wetness in his eyes. “So this is a goodbye then…”
The girl shook her head quickly and held his hand even tighter. “No! No… It’s not time for goodbyes yet. We will meet again one day and we will talk like we used to do before this.”
He nodded mutedly and looked up as he heard the steps of several men. “Time for me to go…”
The girl released his hand but stayed still by his side as the other commander took a hold of his charge’s arm.
He stood up and let them lead him towards the prison area. They walked in the large hall and along one side towards the cells for lifetime prisoners.
But when they were nearly at the door he panicked and stole himself free from the holding hands. He didn’t want to be closed in the small cell without the light of day. No, he couldn’t take it…
In his desperation he ran towards the door avoiding the chasers the fear giving him strength. It didn’t help him though when a shadow stepped away from one of the multiple pillars and turned to face him. At that very moment his head screamed bloody murder and he stumbled few steps before toppling over to the floor breathing hard. The pain in his head didn’t relent until the men who were leading him to the cell came and took a firm hold of his arms hauling him to his feet.
The shadowy figure turned away saying nothing and walked towards the door he had been heading. Now he could see the man right. The man was one of the prison’s guards gifted with ability to paralyze the prisoner by mere look of his eyes.
The pain had diminished to only a background throbbing and he could once again focus on his surroundings. He noticed the other commander not far away looking at him in dismay and he bowed his head in submission. No more futile attempts to escape.
The other commander came closer and took a hold of his restraints pulling him along. They walked back to the door where he had panicked last time and then the door opened revealing a long corridor with dozens of doors. He noticed that one of them was open, obviously waiting for him. He felt the tremors racing through his body as his mind refused to comprehend why this all was happening to him which made the hold in his arms tighten once again.
Inside the room there was only one thing and he was pushed towards it. The stone bench was so very cold under him as the men fixed firmly his restraints on the wall capturing him there efficiently. The long leather restraints on his upper arms confined his chest as his arms were secured in the wall and the ones in his wrists held his thighs as he sat on the bench and his wrists were fastened to the bench.
The commander grouched in front of him and took a hold of his ankles the leather tightening around them before he had time to think it. “Leave us.” The voice was strained as the commander told his men to leave the cell. “Leave the lamp and close the door.”
The men saluted and walked away leaving the two men, formerly friends, alone.
He didn’t look at the man standing in front of him. He was too ashamed to do it. He hadn’t meant to try to escape but the panic had taken reins. By acting so foolishly he had brought shame upon himself and his friend.
“Look at me.”
The sound of the words made him flinch and he closed his eyes in desperation. He couldn’t look at his former friend…
“LOOK AT ME!!” The voice of the commander was angry now.
He trembled uncontrollably and opened his eyes to meet the very angry commander of eighth squad. He didn’t say anything as he was too shaken to form the words.
“Why, care to tell me, did I have to arrest my friend?” The commander’s voice was softer now, pleading to hear that it was only a mistake.
His eyes stung from unshed tears that were threatening to leak now. “I… I have no idea…” His voice shook and he struggled to keep the tears at bay.
The other commander huffed and took a step closer. “No idea? You claim you have done nothing to deserve this?”
He looked at his former friend with pleading eyes. “If you know, please tell me… Don’t tease me like this…” His voice broke and he let out a dry sob.
The other man closed the distance and put his hand on the shaking shoulder. “I don’t know either but I will check it out. Keep strong.”
He couldn’t take it anymore. The tears started to flow from his eyes and the last bit of the mannerism of the commander he was until this morning left him. He was tired, confused and his head hurt. “Please… Leave me alone… I… Let me at least keep my pride…”
The man gave his shoulder a quick squeeze and turned to leave. “Of course, I’ll come back tomorrow morning.” The man left without looking back and closed the door after him.
He cried then. The powerful sobs wrecked his body and tears leaked to his cheeks. The confusion made his head spin or maybe it was the headache. He felt nauseous but he refused to let the bile in his throat to rise. He was a commander or at least had been one; he couldn’t let himself to show all the fear and shame. Then suddenly he knew what to do. He would not stay and rot in the small cold cell the rest of his life. He would leave this world somehow as it was the only way to save his pride and name. But how he could do it in this situation..?
He leaned to the cold wall behind him and hit his head to the wall with a thud. It made sparks swim in his vision and he wanted to hold the hurt but couldn’t move his hands. Then it hit him like a rock.
He bowed his head and smacked it backwards with full force hitting his head to the stone wall with a loud crack. It hurt like hell but wasn’t enough. He had to get out. A new hit made the blood trickle a little but still it wasn’t enough. Third one made him reel and blood started to flow from the wound on the back of his head. Maybe he would bleed to death. With his last strength he smacked his head once more to the unyielding stone and heard before he felt the bone crack. Then the pain washed his consciousness away.
***
He woke up to the sound of the door opening and regretted it dearly. The pain made him whimper like a hurt puppy and he squeezed his eyes shut against the dim light. His head felt light as if he had drunken too much.
“My god, what have you done Seranel?” The voice seemed to come from far away.
He couldn’t answer to the familiar voice. The words didn’t come out from his mouth.
“Seranel, do you hear me? Are you awake?” The voice seemed to go even further.
“He’s been hitting his head to the wall… Quite a mess…” This voice was different, a little rough. He didn’t know this one.
“We need to get him to the hospital. He’s still bleeding.” The voices were coming so far that he had problems to recognize them from each other.
He felt someone loosen the restraints and lowering him on the floor.
“The skull is broken. It’s the first I’ve seen trying to leave like this.”
“Takes a lot of the man to ignore the pain and keep hitting his head to the wall.”
The different voices kept talking but it got quieter and quieter.
“He is the commander of the fifth squad. You can’t get that position without hard self-control. Now help me to lift him.”
He felt like floating and then nothing.
***
“Seranel, how do you feel?” The commander of the eighth squad was looking anxious.
He couldn’t remember when his hard stone bench had been changed to soft bed. His head hurt but it was nothing like the pain when he had repeatedly hit his head to the wall. “Nhh… Hurts…”
“Of course it hurts. You had a hole size of a cannon ball in your head.” There was a nervous laughter in that voice.
“Why…?” He couldn’t get it. Why had he saved him? Did his former friend want him to fade away in the prison?
“I should ask that from you? Why did you do this to yourself, Seranel?” The other man sat on the edge of the bed moving his long dark blue braid out of his way to hang over his shoulder.
He couldn’t look at those wonderful black eyes and closed his grey ones with a sigh. “I…” His voice faltered and his throat felt dry. “I don’t know… I just…wanted out…”
The other man made a sound of dismay. “Seranel, I didn’t think that you of all people would behave like this.”
“Neither did I… It just happened…” His voice was a mere whisper. He felt so tired.
“Sleep now, we’ll talk later.” The commander caressed his face and a lock of golden hair shadowing it before he stood up and left.
He closed his eyes and soon sleep took over. It was a soothing feeling.
***
“Wake up now, Seranel. You have slept long enough.” The voice belonged to a young pretty nurse in white clothing.
He opened his eyes and made an effort to move his hand but noticed he couldn’t. So still a prisoner, eh..?
“How are you feeling today?” The nurse was checking some monitor beside the bed.
“Weird…” He couldn’t focus his thoughts and his head started to hurt.
“Weird? Could you tell me more specific?” The nurse sat down on the chair.
He tried to get it all clear to himself but it felt like water flowing through the fingers. “It…It f-feels…l-like…l-l-like so-something…” He kept a little pause. His speaking wasn’t going like he tried to make it go. “So-something isn’t r-right...in m-my h-head…” Why in the nine hells did he stutter?
The nurse stood up with haste and walked to the door opening it. “Call doctor Alevir!”
He was getting nervous. He didn’t want to survive to live a life with a brain damage. “K-kill..m-me…”
The nurse returned to the bedside and put her hand to his shoulder. “That we can’t do but we’ll do everything to help you.”
“W-why…? I’m a c-criminal…” He felt the headache getting worse and his tongue felt thick in his mouth.
The nurse seemed surprised. “Criminal? No, not at all, you are the commander of the fifth squad of the royal police army.”
Now he was really confused. “B-but…I…I…w-was s-sent t-to…t-to t-the.. pr…pr-prison….”
The nurse glanced to the door her face turning to the mask of professional. “Try to stay calm now. You can discuss from this with your friend after the doctor has examined you.”
The door opened and the doctor stepped in. “What is it?”
“The patient’s speech started to stammer and he says he feels weird.” The nurse was once again checking the monitors. “There’s rising in the brain pressure.”
The doctor too looked at the monitor and frowned. “Go ask if the brain surgeon is available.”
He felt like smiling. Maybe he was still going to die and get free.
“Seranel? I’m here to examine you. Do you hear me?”
He tried to focus to the familiar man in front of him but all seemed fuzzy. He could hear just fine though. “Y-yes…”
“Do you see me?”
“N-No, N-not…p-pro-properly...” He had even more difficulties to force the words out of his mouth.
“Do you have problems to speak?”
He felt like laughing. “D-doesn’t i-it…s-sound l-li-like it..?
The doctor smiled a little. “Yes it does. Your brain took some serious damage when you hit your head and now there is pressure forming in your head. We have to operate you to lower the pressure.”
He didn’t want it. There was damage in his brain so he was better of as dead. “C-can I d-die…if t-the pr-pressure b-builds… t-too m-much?”
“Yes. It can kill you if we don’t let the pressure out.”
Excellent, he still had a chance. “I...I d-don’t w-want t-the o-operation…”
“But you could die.”
“Y-yes… T-that is…wh-what I w-want…”
The doctor seemed dismayed. “If you decline from the operation we can’t do it but I still recommend that you go with the plan.”
“I…d-don’t w-want t-to l-live…l-like t-this…”
“Just do it. He tried to kill himself. He isn’t able to make rational decisions right now.”
He knew that voice and now the owner of the voice was ruining his chance to die. “W-why… y-you w-want m-me t-to l-live…as…a r-retard…?”
The commander of the eighth squad stepped closer and smiled sadly. “I want you to live as your old self but to do that you need to survive this.”
“Y-you ar-arrested m-me… P-put me i-in..t-the…pr-prison… H-how…c-can I…ever…l-live…l-like I used…t-to..?” There was no bitterness in his voice, only sadness and confusion.
“There was a mistake, a horrible mistake. You were never accused from anything… Your name was just accidentally printed in the arrest warrant. If we hadn’t double checked it, you would have stayed in prison the rest of your life but now it is all clear. You can continue your duties after you recover.”
He shook his head in denial and looked pleadingly to his former friend. “N-no…Pl-please…Kirenal… Pl-please.. d-don’t…l-lie t-to m-me… I-it’s...n-not cl-clear… I k-know y-you… Y-you j-just w-want t-to s-sent m-me b-back t-there… It’s y-your j-job…”
The other commander bowed his head the smile vanishing from his face. “You know me too well, my friend.” The man turned towards the doctor and nodded to him. “I’ll take the charge here. He is my prisoner and not allowed to make decisions. The operation is to be done as soon as you can manage.”
He closed his fuzzy eyes when the wetness in them leaked out and his lean body started to tremble. How few simple words could hurt more than a shot in the guts? “Pl-please…K-kill…m-me…K-Kirenal… I…I d-don’t w-want t-to g-go t-to t-the pr-prison…”
The commander shook his head and stepped out of the room without looking at the weeping man on the bed. “We’ll see again after your surgery, Seranel.”
The sobs came uncontrollable and he couldn’t do anything but cry in his misery. He was treated to health only that he could be sent back in the prison, in the cold cell, to sit on the stone bench until his joints would be so stiff that he could not move anymore and beyond that. He would die in that same position. So why couldn’t they let him die here in soft bed?
The doctor watched his patient for a moment worry written all over his elderly face and then left to consult the surgeon. The operation was on the top of the list right now even though he had his own suspicions of its usefulness.
***
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