I'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes
Life sucks. It’s all the time the same. Do this, do that. Go to school, do your best. I’m fucking tired of it. So what do I do to change my life? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I woke up every morning and go to school like I’m supposed to do. After school I come to you. And then the best part comes. You tell me how much you love me every time we see each other and in same breath you tell me what you want me to wear, do and say when we are with your friends. And what I do? I do as you tell me to do every fucking time and why? Cause I love you. I must be out of my mind to love somebody like you but I do. So even though I loath to be perfect pet for you show off I do it without a word. And every time something inside me dies.
every step that I take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you
Today was another day with you and now I’m lying on my bed tired as hell. We met your friends and I played my role as you had told me moments before. “Don’t blow this” you said to me with sweet smile. “Buy us drinks and answer when asked but don’t bore my friends with your nonsense” and you kissed me on the cheek. You don’t kiss me on the lips anymore nor do you spend night with me. Bloody hell, you keep your distance so well that I’m starting to miss you even though you sit next to me… It has been so long we’ve been ourselves with each other that I’m longing to be like I was before even if only one evening.
Can’t you see that you're smothering me
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought I would be
has fallen apart right in front of you
It’s been two weeks from last meeting with your friends and you don’t let me to meet them anymore. If I’m being totally honest you seem to keep me from meeting anybody. I’m totally alone now when you have cruelly torn me away from my own friends and ban me to meet yours. I think you have finally got that I’m not what you’ve been hoping for and then you fucking tried to chance me. That didn’t work either so now you’re afraid. You need your bloody control over me or you’re nothing. What you don’t seem to see is that with your possessiveness you’re making me feel even worse and I’m fucking suffocating under your scrutiny.
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that I take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
and every second I waste is more than I can take
I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you
So here I’m still lying on my bed and thinking what has been. I’m starting to feel depressed. That’s not new but now the need to be free of you is stronger than ever. I’m wasting my time with you. I stand up and look into the mirror. My eyes are dull and my smile is gone too. I turn around and open my computer. I sing in my messenger and notice that there you are. You notice me too but you won’t start writing me before I’ve wrote to you. Except tonight. You write to me “Hi.. I must speak to you..” I send you short answer “about what?” There is a pause and then “Sora yelled me tonight…” I think I might burst in joy; Sora had yelled you! That’s fucking hilarious! So I type “Really. What for?”
And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you
I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you
“She said she was disappointed to me. She was so angry..” I read the sentence many times and then “What made here disappointed?” A long pause. Did she leave? I wait for a moment longer and then the answer comes “She didn’t like how I treated you.. Does she have the right to interfere our relationship?” I sit there a long while staring the computer screen and reading the short question over and over again. Does she have the right? No, but that doesn’t mean that she’s wrong. Hell, even I don’t like how you tread me. I’m sick and tired to do your bidding. I don’t feel anything anymore. I do love you, I know I still must love you but I don’t feel it anymore.
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
So I type to you “She have no right to interfere but she’s right.” Next message comes instantly “What do you mean?” I start to write “I’m sorry but we can’t go on like this. You control me too much. Let’s brake up.” I hesitate to send it to you but finally I press ‘enter’. There is little moment of relief and then your answer comes “No, don’t do this my love.” I don’t think anymore I just write “It’s over. I’m trough with your domination. “You really peg now “Please Koushiro, don’t leave me..” I start to laugh by myself and write my final message “Good bye Mimi. Don’t contact me anymore.” I shut the messenger and then the whole computer. I sit long while before my desk feeling nothing and then I start to cry. When tiers finally subside I’ve become so numb I feel nothing at all. My head is empty and my heart is cold. I’m alone now but I have a new chance to be what I want to be not what you wanted me to be.
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